


To The End

by UnderscoreMax



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bad end, F/M, M/M, Unrequited Love, im sorry, mentions of torture, no happy ending, steve rogers is straight only for the story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:47:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26786935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnderscoreMax/pseuds/UnderscoreMax
Summary: It had always been this way. Bucky loved Steve, and even if it wasn't what he wanted, he'd spend all his time he got with him.(angsty ass stucky)
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 5
Kudos: 20





	To The End

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WinterSolda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterSolda/gifts).



> for ryan, bc youre a sad bitch. thanks for giving me the idea. (haha you gave me your ao3 now i can gift it haha)

The 1920's, roaring, bright and full of technology that amazed every citizen, just around every corner. Bucky was amazed by it. The way that even the smallest of objects could shine so brightly, and hold so much power, it made him smile. Much like his Steve.

He'd dragged Steve along, with two lovely girls in a similar predicament. The two had been in love for a while, but for all the technological advances, they couldn't be seen in public holding hands. Bucky understood, even if his boy didn't.

Steve didn't feel the same way, but it was fine, much safer for the man anyway. He was in enough danger from his own lungs and such, no need to add on any other ailments.

"Ah, wow, look at this all Steve," a train shot around above them, "it's incredible."

Steve looked around, his eyes catching on the army poster. "Yeah, Buck, it really is somethin'" 

.

.

"Steve, no, ok, you gotta stay here. I can't- you can't hurt out there."

"It's my fight too! Bucky! I can't just stay here!"

Bucky sighed, hand grasping onto the draft papers. 

"I can't just let you go out there and die while I do nothin' Buck."

He turned to the door, "I know." 

Mumbling something about needing a drink, Bucky left, careful not to slam the door. The old hinges couldn't handle it. Or maybe he couldn't handle slamming the door on Steve.

.

.

"So, Barnes, you gotta dame back home?" 

Bucky smiled, shaking his head, "Nah, no dames waitin' for me."

Gabe laughed then, "Ohoho, you've got a lad then, who's the lucky guy?"

Bucky froze up, trying not to show the panic simmering below, "I uh, I don't know what you're talkin' 'bout there Gabe. I'm not, I mean, I-"

Gabe cut him off, "Bucky, my friend, you ain't gotta worry about it, ain't no one in this unit that cares. I would be careful in some o' the others, but I'm sure you know that by now."

Bucky nodded, releasing his breath. "Yeah, yeah. He better be at home waitin' for me, he ain't got enough air in his lungs to hold up a fight like this, no matter how much he wants to."

Gabe nodded, "So how long?"

"How long what?"

He sighed, "Have you been together you dolt."

"Oh," Bucky scratched the back of his head, "He ain't really swing that way, ya know, I'm just on a hopeless line here."

.

.

They had been taken, Bucky dragged away half heartedly kicking. It was hard to struggle with a concussion, but he put up a hell of a fight.

They pulled him along, uncaring of what happens, strapping him to a table and beginning their experiments. Days dragged on into weeks as they injected him with hallucinogens. He'd see Steve, happy, as healthy as he could be, he'd ask to dance and Bucky would give Steve his hand, and they'd waltz around the room like no one could see them. Like it was safe. Like it was legal.

And Bucky would believe it, every time believing a little less. He started to learn, he would lean into Steve, and for a moment, everything was clear, they were safe, and his Stevie loved him back. 

And he would get ripped from it everytime.

A brutal reminder that he was in a German Nazi encampment, and there was no escape in sight.

.

.

"Bucky! Bucky! Hey hey, wake up, come on."

Someone was shaking him, patting down his chest and cupping his cheek. What was happening?

"Wha-t?" he croaked out.

"Bucky it's me, it's Steve"

Bucky squinted, looking up at the, frankly, massive blonde. "Steve?" he whispered, "I thought you were smaller…"

"Yeah, yeah, I used to be, come on we gotta go."

Steve pulled him up, holding most of Bucky's weight on his shoulder. That was new.

.

.

They were stopped in the woods for the night, most of the party exhausted and wounded. The few that were left that had any medical training made their rounds, patching up who they could with what they had.

Bucky, still woozy from whatever they had done to him, pulled Steve out to the edge of the camp. He leaned against a tree, looking up at the blonde. 

"Stevie? What happened? You used t' barely even come up to my shoulder, what happened to you?"

Steve smiled, "Yeah, I got picked for an experiment. They finally ah, well, they kinda let me in the army, after a few, uh, illegal attempts to get in." Bucky punched his arm, "Yeah yeah, but Dr Erkstine, he made a serum and now I'm," he gestured to himself, "I'm healthy, I can fight now, Buck."

Bucky looked at him for a moment, and Steve couldn't quite tell if it was good or bad. His little Steve was gone, but Steve himself, he was still there. Still overconfident and sure that even if he didn't win, it made a difference. Steve had changed, but only the outside.

He reached up and messed his hair, smiling, "Yeah, you can, and you're a hell of a lot bigger now too. Gonna be hard for someone to stick you in a trash can now, huh."

"Why would they? I'm Captain America now." He laughed.

"You keep tellin' yourself that Stevie. And, hey, thanks for savin' my ass back there."

.

.

Her picture was in his locket. A woman Bucky hadn't known before. She was beautiful, strong and willful, and it was no wonder Steve loved her. She held herself elegantly, in a way that challenged anyone to get into a fight with her. She was wonderful, and Bucky couldn't even dislike her. 

She was everything Bucky wasn't, and there, Bucky understood why it could never happen. Why Steve would never choose him. They were close, to the end of the line with each other. But it wasn't love, not like the two of them, Steve saw him as a brother. 

And Peggy, she didn't even have the decency to be dislikable. As much as Bucky wanted to, he couldn't, she was tough but understanding, and strong and soft and could beat almost everyone on base in a fight. He couldn't even dislike her.

.

.

The Alps were freezing. Not that Bucky expected any different, but it would've been nice. The tents barely kept out the cold, just keeping the blowing snow off of them for the time being. 

"Buck, you can get closer you know, I've gotten quite a bit warmer since all this happened."

Bucky scoffed, but moved closer, tucking himself under Steve's chin. Grinning in a sad way as Steve wrapped his arms around him. 

"Y'know, it's been a while since we had to huddle for warmth. I think it had been the other way around then too."

Bucky could remember it clearly, Steve, still small and frail, curled up on his chest like a cat. All the blankets they had in the home were tucked into his sides, wrapped around Steve, trying to keep him safe from pneumonia. As if Bucky's arms could keep the sicknesses away, keep him safe. If nothing else it made him feel a little better, like he could protect him.

Bucky felt the blankets shift around, getting pulled back over the two of them. He breathed in, and well, admittedly, Steve didn't smell great. They'd been on the road for days, and even in the cold they'd still sweat, but he was alive, and there, and he was still Steve. It would be comforting no matter what.

.

.

He was falling, falling away from Steve. The wind whipped through his hair, tearing at his skin. And the only thing Bucky could think, the only thought he had as he watched the hero clutch the broken train railing.

"I never told him"


End file.
